A Friend Loves at All Times
The year of 2017 was difficult for our family. Our trial would have felt insurmountable without the help of friends and family members. As I reflect on that season now, the face of a certain friend who made a huge impact on me during that time comes to mind. She would say that the things she did weren’t a big deal, but I would vehemently disagree with her—they were a big deal and her words and actions meant so much to me.
Not long after I was diagnosed with cancer that spring she walked up to me at church and told me without faltering, “I’m going to come over and clean your house. When would be a good time?” We had so many people offer help during that time but I didn’t always know what to say when they asked what we needed. We ended up with help in ways we didn’t know we needed—our lawn was mown and taken care of all summer, meals were delivered to our house 3 nights a week, childcare for our two boys was provided numerous times, and countless other services were bestowed upon us. But this offer, or rather declaration, from my friend was something different. She knew me well enough to know that “cleaning” was one of my love languages (as weird as that is) and that I wouldn’t be able to do much of it that summer. She also knew that I wouldn’t be offended by her offer.
After she cleaned our house the first time, the smell of cleaning products and newly dusted furniture was exactly what I needed to lift my spirits. On her way out the door she said she would be back to clean again in 2 weeks. I was dumbstruck. I thought this was a one-time blessing. She told me she was going to come every other week for the 6 months I would be having treatment. And she did. She brought her own mop, vacuum and cleaning supplies to deep clean our house every two weeks.
After a couple months of treatment I told this friend that I was going to shave my head. I was tired of my 3 year-old asking me why my hair was all over the bathroom floor. I had heard that you can lose up to 50% of your hair before people start to notice. I was probably about at that point. A couple days after I told her she called me and said she wanted to shave her head with me. I couldn’t speak for so long she probably thought the connection had been lost. I was trying to swallow the lump in my throat and the tears I cried became permanent salt crystals in my phone receiver. When I could finally talk, I told her no. I didn’t want her to do that. I made her agree not do it, but it was hard to convince her. The fact that she asked and was willing to do it meant more than anything.
When she saw my shorn head the next morning she said, “You look awesome. So much cooler than the guitarist from Hillsong when she shaved her head.” Her words were such a garland of grace landing on my ears. She had come over to pick up our kids and keep them for the day while I was in treatment—just one of the many times that summer she kept them.
Humility is the character quality topping the list of my friend’s attributes, which is why I’m not using her name here. But if you ask me personally who it is I’ll tell you in a heartbeat. If you know her, it wouldn’t surprise you. She knows how to be fully present wherever she is, but doesn’t draw attention to herself. She extends grace with her words and her actions. She gives encouragement but knows how to challenge with kindness.
She and her husband are some of the busiest people I know. Both of them have full-time jobs but somehow make time to volunteer in numerous areas, host people in their home for meals, and all while raising a passel of kids. I asked her once why she and her family make serving such a priority and she said, “It keeps us out of trouble.” But what she didn’t say, and what I know to be true about her, is that her heart of service naturally overflows out of her deep and active relationship with Jesus. Her motivation is love, coming from the One who first loved her. Though she inspires others through her actions to serve, to get their hands dirty, to put themselves in uncomfortable situations, and to simply be present, she would tell you that none of those things are possible without love.